It's hard to say what was more unbelievable, the insanity that had transpired since i jumped in that beat up car, or the amount of times we'd listened to Fireflies up to this point. i'd joined the two hellions in the early afternoon, and we were pressing close to midnight. Krystina reached over from the backseat, turned the volume down, and took a sudden stronger interest in me. Her questions became more personal. My hobbies, interests, favourite movies, and what my life was like up north.
i only got a few words in before she began yammering away about God knows what. But she did circle back to Canada, told me about her trips, how much she liked nature, the people. Her story started spiralling, and mentioned it was too bad she was both arrested, and deported on her last visit. Alarm bells began to sound, and my ears perked. Turns out the hiking Krystina had been doing wasn't in our parks. Rather, she'd been trafficking heroin over the Canadian American border on foot only a month prior. On to that note, the morning of her sentencing, was conveniently when they began their road trip.
It was hard to keep the conversation going while i did the mental math, calculating how bad my situation was. As it stood, i was in a car on American soil, with two high strangers, that had drugs on them with intent to sell, had stolen from two gas stations, and one was, it was safe to say, a wanted felon on the lam. To me, it seemed clear i was hitchhiking, and caught up in an absurd misadventure. As bizarre as everything was, my place in it made sense. Though i began to worry that the police wouldn't see it that way. As anxiety started to nag i reflected on positive facts. It was late, i was in control of the vehicle, so long as i maintained the speed limit, everything should be okay. There'd be no problems. All would be well, and i wake up the next morning in my tent on the festival grounds. Ready to see The Flaming Lips, Bright Eyes, and Wilco, in a gorgeous natural amphitheatre, over a fantastic weekend.
The pair regaled me with a rehashing of their adventure, the field, the donuts, the same song, over and over. From the backseat Krystina started to play with my locks. "You know you're nice Hippy-Kid." Her breath was rank and voice hushed. "Real nice. Not like that other guy, hey Sophie?"
"Oh he sucked, a total creep" the gentle brunette concurred.
"Other?" i dared to ask.
They spoke of another hitchhiker they’d picked up who'd worn some sort of odd hat, and had, though i'm not quite sure how, offended them. Despite the circumstances, i still assume it was more likely that the stranger crossed a line with two young women, despite how ludicrous they were, and concerned i was around Krystina, i never felt that they wanted to cause me or others harm. "Well we took care of him, scared him right off didn't we?"
"Oh. That's good." Worried i'd spoke too soon, i took a deep breath, not sure i was ready to hear the next answer. "How'd you manage that?"
"Oh he knew better than to mess with me once i showed him this," Krystina held up a giant blade that caught the light and flashed in the rearview mirror. It looked homemade. The steel from a large chef knife with a frankensteined handle wrapped in peeling duct tape. For such a clumsy, and awkward looking weapon, it was menacing.
i was starting to lose track of all the things i needed to be worried about. Devoid of any concern of the warrant out for her arrest or self awareness at all, Krystina continued to run her fingers through my hair with affection, while admiring her shank. Right then, for kicks, our trusty car decided it would be a good time for a break. Smoke poured from beneath the hood, and obscured my view. The indicator clicked loud like a metronome for my cursing as i pulled over.
Luck was pulling in both directions. Another malfunction and obstacle, yet it happened as we passed through the middle of a small town rather than any of the previous remote stretches. Better still, i popped the hood to find it was steam, not smoke. The engine had only overheated, and right on the doorstep of a bar. i left everything to cool off and wandered inside, where a bartender was kind enough to give me two pitchers of water to fill the car. While i sourced a cloth, the girls asked me how i was going to solve the issue. i managed to explain the procedure, but not all the precautions before helpful Krystina snatched the rag from my hand, reached over, and popped off the radiator cap. Scalding water exploded, shooting the lid high above the power lines. i took cover and listened for where the metal hit the pavement while the buffoons danced under the spraying water.
As disturbed as i was by the idiocy, in a moment of pause watching their ridiculous shimmying, part of me found admiration for the lost pair. As misguided as she was, at no moment did Krystina let the woes get her down. Perhaps it was the drugs in her system, but she was completely unhindered by the consequences looming over her. She moved like a shark, with lethal, chaotic focus, on whatever may entertain her. And while i don't condone how she went about it, i could respect how immersed she was in each moment. Arms stretched wide open, spinning under streetlamps watching the droplets from her broken car refract the light to different colours under the stars.
i found the cap halfway down the block. As i walked back to fill the radiator i saw the duo wander into the bar. With everything in order as best i could, i went inside to return the pitchers, and use the restrooms. Considering the hour on a Wednesday night, the bar was bustling. Blusterous bikers shot pool, and slammed pints. i spied Krystina, and Sophie take shots of tequila with some poor soul they'd conned into buying drinks. Despite my anxiety to continue onwards, it would only behoove us to let the engine cool further. So i took a seat close by.
The breather was welcomed. After a quarter of an hour, and the girls had another round, i went to wrangle them before more dramas occurred. While we managed to leave the rowdy establishment without further incident, outside Krystina somehow got into a screaming fight with a random passerby. Determined to have the last word in a storm of curses, her victory was answered with a rock thrown past her head. White as a ghost she dove in the backseat as i fired the engine.
Krystina may not have been physically hurt, but her feelings had. As she sniffled in the backseat, i turned on the stereo with a sigh. From the rearview mirror i saw her energy perk up as Fireflies started again for the umpteenth time. With the windows down the merciless sirens sang our catastrophic shores onwards.
When they'd had their fill, and the energy settled, conversation began again. i mentioned some admiration for how much their car had handled, hitting the sign post, chaperoning us on its last fumes, and cooling back down to temperature after what sounded like days of nonstop driving. "How long have you had this beast? It must have served you well."
"Oh, only since yesterday," Krystina's response was casual as she counted stars from her window.
My brow furled, "yesterday?"
Sophie began to chuckle, "oh ya, we stole it from some guy yesterday!"
"He's probably such a dick! i'm glad we're breaking his car," Krystina chimed in.
Any illusions left that i had an easy ride ahead of me disappeared in that instant. i was driving a wanted felon, carrying god knows how many drugs, in a stolen car. i pushed the gas a little faster, grateful we'd at least taken backroads. In a moment of divine grace the next road sign announced an upcoming exit to the Gorge. We were a little over half an hour away.
Ten minutes later, a Shell station appeared before our turn. Krystina demanded we stop for another bathroom break, and so they could get supplies. i sat in the parking lot and weighed my options. We were mere miles away, the home stretch, and it was well after midnight. Too far to walk, and there was no hope in another ride coming on these lonely highways. i was desperate for safety of the festival grounds, my tent, and finding my friends.
The clock continued to tick, and the girls hadn't surfaced. i moved to the glass doors and saw them chatting away to an obese, greasy clerk who was completely hypnotized by the two young women giving him the time of day. i didn't have it in me to collect them again and went back to hovering around the car. My bag outside, and off to the side, lest a cruiser should come by and scan the plates.
Finally they strutted out, their arms full of chips, jerky, slurpees, and sodas. "Shit, how much did you guys grab this time?" i asked.
"What? no," Sophie beamed, "that guy said we could take whatever we wanted."
From the glass of the shop the perverted bumpkin leered, and waved. "We gotta stick around, he's gonna finish his shift then get us some glass to sell to the hippies."
i knew the slang, and was not at all ready to wait for a drop of meth to arrive. "That's awesome," i started, "but you know what would be a great idea? What if, to kill time, we head to the campsite, find a spot, i can hold space for your car while i set up my tent, then you guys can come back?"
Like a charm, they thought that was a great idea. Already planning to sleep in their vehicle, the prospect of being closer to the party before all the good plots were taken was a strong enough sell. They explained our errand to their new friend and we got moving.
The final stretch was gorgeous. We crossed over the Columbia river and drove along acres of highlands bathed in moonlight. Until Krystina leaned over and told me she wanted to drive. We had a civil back and forth where i tried to persuade her that i didn't mind wrapping up the journey, and she could continue to relax. But she wasn't hearing it, and was quick to begin demanding. Insisting it was her car, that she'd stolen it fair and square, and i needed to stop. Before i could attempt to stand my ground she went into a full screaming tantrum. i slammed the brakes and pulled over. Without hesitating she came skipping to the front door with a smirk carved across her face.
While she stood beside me, i had to use all my will power to not drive off without her. i was beyond a breaking point. But we were less than twenty miles away, i didn't want to deal with ditching the car, there was nothing she could hit on the empty road, and i relented.
i didn't even have a chance to buckle in before she tore off, whooping into the night. Owl City cranked to an earsplitting volume, the torture had to end soon.
Actual signage from the festival began to appear on the sides of the road. We were so close. "Screw this song i want to rock! Let's let these hippies know we're coming to party!" Krystina cheered as she wrenched the worn album from the stereo and tossed it to Sophie.
"What? i thought you didn't have any other records?"
"Oh i lied! i just love that song!" she said, as if that should've been obvious to me. "Now i want to rock!"
Flabbergasted, i leaned back. i'd have been more annoyed if i wasn't so excited for the change, i love harder music, and anything would be better than Owl City. Before i could finish my thought, before even a semblance of relief, Chad Kroeger's voice cut through the car. It was Nickelback. Not even the songs that you hate to admit are good, it was the garbage hits, like Rockstar.
Krystina tossed devil horns out the window, and honked her horn, drawing a ridiculous amount of attention to the stolen vehicle. Miraculously, we were pulled over by festival volunteers, and the ride from hell came to an end. "Well y'all seem to be ready to have a good time, welcome to Sasquatch, the entrance for camping is ahead to the right."
i was in such disbelief, for the next minute i couldn't hear a single note. We parked to the side before they checked tickets at the gate, and i leaned over. "So what time do you think you guys will be back? i'm thinking of grabbing a spot right by that light," i pointed at a random decorative spotlight in the distance.
"We won't be long at all!" they assured me, as i stepped out of the car.
"Great, well i'll get set up, don't have too much fun without me," i warned as i collected my bags.
Sophie leaned over for a hug, then Krystina, grabbed my neck and whispered that she'd be sleeping next to me tonight in my tent, planted a kiss on my cheek and smeared my brow with her acme. i winced, told them to be safe, waved goodbye, and didn't look back as i hurried away from the most insane ride of my life.
More to come, that glues the saga together. Keep an eye out for Part 3 in the upcoming weeks!
Thanks for reading
-Mr. Write