The first part of Rules of Thumb didn’t really include any guidelines for hitchhikers. So here’s a list of my own personal rules and advice made over a decade on the road. You will see intentional repetition, and redundancies, in an attempt to drill the ideas home. The most important? Be Safe, and Have Fun.
Don't Be A Dick:Honestly, my rule for life. A little childish, a little goofy, but we all know when we're doing it. To put it with a little grace, and dash more class: Don't Transfer Your Own Suffering to Others. So what does that look like in the passenger seat? Being obnoxious, rude, even asking for more kindnesses than you're already receiving. Don't ask for money, or beg (*shudder*, occasions where i've witnessed others doing this still keeps me up at night with the cringes). Drivers are not your chauffeurs. It's ok to ask for the radio when conversation dies, but avoid criticizing people for their taste, or dominating the stereo with your favourite genres. The driver is in control- always. That goes for the air conditioner/heater, don't be shy if you're freezing but respect the space. Don't light a cigarette, be mindful of your language and cursing. Avoid religious and/or political conversations. If you feel uncomfortable or disagree to a point where you'll get in an argument, kindly ask to leave. No one has the right to subject the other person to their opinion (neither the driver, nor you), but everyone does have the right to exit. Friendly banter? Absolutely fine. Voicing your own feelings in good faith, for sure you can. There's no need to lie, or censor yourself, so long as you can speak without ostracizing, belittling, or offending your neighbour. Especially when you're visiting another culture- keep an open mind. The idea is people sharing a journey while going in the same direction. Don't dominate the conversation, there's another person in the car. These people aren't your therapists, and didn't sign up to hear your life story, or for you to trauma dump all over them. Stay curious. Most people pick others up to be kind, as well as enjoy the company. Keep things balanced, best you can.
Don't Panic: Feels like this was stolen? It's just wise old Douglas Adams infamous quote from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Another important rule for life in general, and paramount for hitchers. Miss your exit? Don't Panic. Haven't had a ride in 7 hours? Don't Panic. Did you accidentally get in the car with someone spouting something disheartening or concerning? Don't panic. Take your time, be mindful. Don't let your emotions exasperate a bad situation. There's always space to recalibrate and pivot. Are you in a situation that has the potential to become dangerous? Find somewhere close and safe where you can pull over. Lie, if you need to. Bathroom breaks, food poisoning, claim you have diarrhea- be calm, and get out. Even if that means embarrassing yourself. It's all gravy (perhaps a poor choice of words) if your safety is in question.
Manners: Please, and thank yous. As a human being, it's mortifying that i even have to jot this down. The behaviour i have watched other hitchers display is abysmal, and shameful. Have some respect out there team, no one had to stop for you, show some kindness back. Bring your best self. Let's keep the standards up for all hitchhikers, it should be a pleasure to invite a stranger along for a ride. Make sure you give your thanks!
Be Respectful: Of course this point, and ideas have been touched on already by other rules, but its bears repeating. Someone has been generous enough to invite you into their space, and help you on your journey. This is an invitation to share their company, not berate them with your own beliefs, or problems in your life. Picked up by fundamentalist Catholics that are trying to practices the teachings of Christ, and save your soul? Not the best time to tease them for fearing a talking snake with an admiration for apples. No matter the distance, all lifts are short, ride it out. Outside of someone berating you, it's not your place to challenge people who've gone out of their way to offer kindness. That does not mean you need to betray your beliefs. A driver in Kosovo started to spout some of the most vile homophobic rhetoric i've ever heard. Rather then shame, or condone his perspectives, i found a way to respectfully disagree, and offered my own ideas. i stood up for my friends and family, whilst still navigating a civil conversation. Seeds of insight have a far greater chance of growing through kindness. Find ways to maintain your integrity without being a jackass. If someone offends you, navigate ways to ask questions without judgement, lead them to the light rather then push them further away. Keep it noble, and stay safe.
Your Behaviour Matters: If you're in a car with a stranger (unless they're a psychopath, which you know, keep your wits about you out there) they're actively in the process of trying to be kind to a stranger (ya dummy). It's incumbent that we do our best to help them perpetuate this to others. Outside of the occasional creep, the thing every driver has in common with everyone else that has given you a ride is some level of generosity. Don't forget that the trust goes both ways.
Say Yes to Kindness. You'll encounter some surprising offers on the road, meals, shelter, crashing weddings, or funerals (it might surprise you to know that, at least in my experience, the funerals were often more fun), events, local food, you name it! This should go without saying but check with your intuition before making any decisions. Be certain there's no strings attached, and that you aren't putting yourself in a dangerous position. Ask questions, be brave. Will you end up drinking horse milk in Kazakhstan? That's an unfortunate possibility, but most times not. You'll get stories though, that's a certainty. Doors will open, friendships will bond, trust in the goodness of others, say yes.
Say No (When You Feel Uncomfortable). While i don't condone lying, in such a vulnerable situation, let your safety dictate your integrity. You owe driver's nothing (assuming you've been upfront with your intentions before you entered the vehicle, misleading people regarding splitting costs, gas, etc is cruel and shameful). This is a simple exchange, you're filling a seat, and at most need to be a polite, gracious guest, that provides conversational companionship. There's no room for guilt, especially as a persuasion tactic. You're not best friends, you don't need to stay in contact, or go to their home, you have autonomy to leave. Make sure that you have some form of safety measures in place.
Have Your Story Straight. It is imperative that you have people expecting you at your destination, even if you need to make that up. For your own safety, do not let yourself be a target, no matter how safe you might think the driver is. If you're on an adventure, have it be to a family, or best friends' home. In a foreign country, that you'd have no probable connection to? Have it be your father's cousin that you've never met in person. Be vague, this doesn't have to be airtight, all that matters is someone is expecting you that will raise an alarm if you're missing. Again, this is a safety tactic, keep things loose, and vague, but also certain. They are expecting you, you don't have to know exactly where but how you'll contact them.
Don't Beg. You're a hitchhiker, not a panhandler. Can't afford to pay for a train? That's where the hiking comes in you. There should be no expectation for others to do the heavy lifting. That said, you're on an adventure, and as Rule 7 states, Say Yes to Kindness. Aside from your seat, or spot on the roof, or flatbed, leave it there. Don't ask for meals, and for god's sake don't ask for money. This is not that. Radio, windows down, or maybe a bit of heat if you're freezing, that's about all that's fair. A phone call might be pushing it, but if you have no cell yourself, and it will help you let hosts or the people you're meeting at your arrival link, it's ok to ask to use, but don't chat. If you ask for anything, ask how you might help make the ride easier for the driver.
Don’t Let Drivers Drop You Off in Areas That Don’t Make Sense: Communication, communication, communication. Sure, drivers may not have hitchhiked before, but you have a rough idea. Ask what the area is like, make sure you're going to a good gas station by the highway, or at an onramp where they exit so you can continue. If they say they're going to a remote area, find something along the way, always on the far end of a city if you're passing, ask for them to exit, drop you off, then reenter the highway. If they picked you up, they want you to be safe, and pulling on, and off will only take four minutes. Some might pull over on the side of a busy highway, don't jump out! In most countries this is illegal, everywhere it's dangerous. While you can't (and shouldn't) ask others to keep going further, nor out of their way, you can always ask to get out sooner. Know what you're looking for, what works, what's safe, communicate, and work together. Be firm, have fun.
Get Out at Good Spots to Continue Onward From, Even if That’s Miles Short of Your Destination: i'll choose a major truck stop over the middle of a city any day of the week. For example, let's say you were trying to hitchhike from LA to Austin. There is a ride going to downtown Phoenix Arizona. It would be wise to get out at a truck stop, or rest area, even twenty-thirty miles before the offramp to the city. The majority of drivers there will be passing through, stopping for food and fuel, or taking a break. It's much easier to move past the city than it will be getting closer, dealing with commuters, or others sucked into the town. It's tempting to go for the miles, especially fifteen extra, but never worth it compared to a great spot. Sometimes you'll jump in a car from a decent area that you've had little luck from for a short distance only to make matters worse. Of course, the opposite happens, a quick lift might bring you a way better place. Have a conversation before you take the ride and understand where you'll be dropped off. Always pay attention to road signs, and mile markers, and do the math. You should be able to work out an estimate to how far your driver is going, and how much time you have left. Road signs will have the distance to the next batch of cities, (service stations and rest areas will as well) and the markers on the side of the road tell you where you are, and sometimes count towards capitals. Simple equations will give you an idea of how far you are, and if you can see the speedometer a rough idea of how much time it will take you. If you can't figure it out on your own, ask. You should have already spoken about the drop off point with the driver. Toll booths, or military checkpoints are wise to get out at. They're safe, cars slow down, have a bathroom, everything you need. When you cross paths with areas of that nature it's a good opportunity to ask how many more are in your journey, and have your ride end at the last one passed. The majority of people will be taking you down roads that they know well enough, and have an idea of rest areas, or truck stops along the way. Even if you get stuck at a station for the night, you're still far, far safer.
Hitch Within the Advantages of Your Sex: Women: Not always at a disadvantage, as long as they utilize a few rules. First and foremost, don't hitchhike in traditional ways, or like men. Avoid using your thumb as much as possible. As best you can stick to populated areas, gas/service stations, rest areas if you must, or even outside fast food joints. The idea here is to have you approach whomever you feel comfortable with, that could be anyone, of any age. A huge advantage over men, who will generally only get lifts from young to middle-aged guys. Women can approach the elderly, families, other women, as well as men that they feel safe around. The possibility of a lift increases to such a drastic degree that it would be foolish to even consider rides at random. Even if you're stuck in the middle of a town, rather than struggle to an onramp, hitchhike from a local gas station, ask for a ride to another station, closest to a highway. Once you start hitting freeway service stations you will sail. You must be strict with where you're dropped off, have the understanding before you even get in the car. You can, and should, be choosy. There will be such an abundance of offers, get comfortable turning most down until you find one that works best for you. Daisy chain from service area to service area until you're close enough and can find someone that takes you right into town. Stay in well lit areas, say hi to staff, even introduce yourself. From there, always, always, take a photo of the car and license plate that you're entering and text it to someone you trust, with your location, as well as the agreed upon destination. Nowadays location services would be foolish not to use, and while they may be less cumbersome, still make sure the photos are done. The act is mainly for appearances. It's important everyone knows people are paying attention and care about you. If a driver protests a photo, don't get in. Sure you can throw your thumb out, and you will get cars, but why risk it? This is so much better, take the power that's already yours. Men: These dumb suckers have to tough it out. One hundred percent, try to use some of the techniques that women have- take photos of license plates, be smart, approach truckers at service stations if you can. Just buckle up, and prepare for a world of rejection. While talking to drivers will get you rides sometimes, often it won't help at all. Pack warm, even in summer, elevation, and wind can get uncomfortable quick. Utilize online mapping services to find out which public transportation will take you the furthest out of cities, trek to an onramp best you can, toss out your thumb, and hope for the best. Keep your chin up, and smile
Be Mindful of What’s Safe for You and Drivers: Even though you're not in the driver's seat, be helpful making good choices for you both. This is both for pick ups and drop offs. Aim for safe shoulders, on ramps, speed bumps, gas stations, toll booths, anywhere people slow down, and can stop safely. Busy streets and highways are no goes. Nobody wants to irritate other drivers on the road, or be blasted by an aggressive horn, or god forbid there's an accident. The faster cars are zipping the more unlikely they'll be able to register you as safe for a ride and can pull over. And forget about anyone having a chance of reading your sign at speed. It's better to ride a little further then have someone cut over multiple lanes of traffic to drop you off. Worse if they have to make a dangerous manoeuvre trying to get back onto a highway where people are hurtling by.
Be Mindful of What You’re Wearing: Drivers are judging you on what your appearance is for their own safety and sanity. Button up shirts and collars are a win. Light loose trousers are ideal in most climates. Shorts and sleeveless shirts are far more comfortable in tropics, but be mindful of sunburns, and always avoid sunglasses. As uncomfortable as it might be without them, eye contact is so important. Forgo ideas of looking cool, don't look fashionable, even if it's fake designer apparel. Especially don't wear things that are precious to you, expect tears, things on occasion will get ruined. No offensive shirts, be mindful of what you're advertising about yourself.
Wear Comfortable Shoes: The hike part of hitchhiking is there for a reason, get prepared to walk- a lot. Whether it's across town, to and from onramps, strolling along shoulders with a thumb out, it's not a simple waltz, and you're going to be carrying more weight than is comfortable. Your footwear should be water resistant, good for treks, and somehow able to breath. Pack extra socks so you don't stink.
Hygiene Matters: Shower as often as you can, and for Pete's sake, wear deodorant. And not the aerosol kind. No need to bomb out people's cars with body sprays. Fellas, you're going to want to consider shaving.
Prepare What You Can. It's ok to not know all the details and let the road guide you. But do your best to figure out as much as you can before you leave. Map your journey, or how to find your way to the end of your destination (addresses, phone numbers, etc, anything you might need when you get to town). Know the highways you need to change at so you're not blown of course or scrambling to find your way on the road. It's handy to have a sign and sharpie, but it's far from a magick wand.
Pack Smart. Sunscreen. No one wants to have a nose as red as Rudolphs (Guilliani, not that sweet Reindeer). No Sunglasses. Eye contact is important. Water. Don't be on your phone on the drive. But also, pack extra battery packs, and chargers- keep it safe! In fact, i wouldn't pull out my phone at all unless it was necessary. Remember you're carrying everything, the lighter your pack is the easier your journey will be. Drivers will be turned off by mountains of luggage on the road. The more compact you are the easier it is to squeeze you in.
Don't Leave a Mess. Your things are your responsibility. Don't leave a trace, discard your water bottles, wrappers, banana peels, plastic cups, or anything for that matter. Nobody wants to deal with your cardboard signs, or your garbage. Do your best to keep your bags contained, and stay attentive. If something is a real hindrance, and you know the driver is headed home, a tactful request is ok, but try to gauge it before you speak up.
Don’t Underestimate the Time It Takes to Get to Your Destination: For your own sanity, as well as others you may be travelling to, be generous with how long you estimate. At the very least double how long mapping services say it takes to drive there, then sprinkle on a couple extra hours for good measure.
Know Your Own Way, Roughly: Drivers can be as clueless as you. It's helpful to know the exits you're looking for, the directions, the towns on your way, and how to manoeuvre yourself. When you're aware of the rough route you can keep track of your progress, and protect yourself from being taken off course. A few unnoticed turns can send you far off track, in a lot of cases you will have to doubleback, which can be an absolute nightmare. Be clear, and pay attention to road signs. Sometimes it makes sense to ask for a city that overshoots your destination to find longer rides.
Try Not to Sleep: Carcolypsy is a real thing. Not only does it put you in danger, but it can be offensive to the driver. If you're invited to snooze, and feel comfortable, no harm no foul. Many time's i’ve crashed out in the bunk beds of truck drivers (hell i slept from border to border across Honduras once), but in general it best to avoid it.
Meet a World of Rejection with a Smile: Most cars will pass, that's fine. One of the greatest gifts in my hitchhiking journey was the metric of one car offering a ride every two hours (not necessarily even picking you up, or going the right way) means you're making good time. In most cases you'll do much better than this, and be pleased with how fast you're going. The scale will also save mental anguish when you're having slow days. This is not an easy task, things do not move quick, most cars won't stop. It's honestly a little insane that you make any ground at all so be grateful, curb your expectations, and Don't Panic.
Have fun out there!
Thank for reading!
Dive deeper into my hitchhiking adventures following the links below…
My first time hitching: And So It Berlins Part 1
Scandinavia: Solstice Synchronicities and the Highway to Hell
Brazil: Wild Flamengos
France: Dirt Bag Advice
BC: Hope
Rules of Thumb Part 1
Wazoo!
-Mr. Write