Thoughtful gifts are tremendous occurrences between people. A profound aspect of life. That said, i find the bastardization of holidays with exchanging presents repugnant. Let’s paint that statement with a little nuance. i despise obligatory, or perceptually obligatory gifting. Holidays, birthdays and the like. It rings false. Staining celebrated days with the expectation of receiving. i resent that love and respect for another could be defined by the quality, or worse, price tag, of a present. Not only does it perpetuate materialism and consumerism, but can consume givers with angst and pressure. Or worse an ambiguous form of measurement, for better or worse, in how receivers may feel about those close to them.
A present is without doubt a beautiful gesture, especially at random, or 'just because.' Without any reason other than you thought of someone else kindly. A token of knowing, and appreciation, of who a person is, and what they like. It feels great to give, to add something special to someone else's day. So good that when the act is done with the right intentions, with something thoughtful, it feels a far cry from a selfless act. And yes, it's also thrilling to receive presents, there is no denying that. The ripple effects of a good gift, on peoples moods, self esteem, how they interact with others afterwards, can be extraordinary. It's a shame that the overwhelming abundance of presents on particular days can cause receivers to overlook what was given. Anything that detracts from the sweetness of people sharing with each other, borders on blasphemy.
The thought that we are socially dictated to both buy, and receive around the holidays, or an anniversary of someone's birth, seems hollow, arbitrary, and contrived. A kind word, an honest, private conversation of appreciation and gratitude or such, are colossal gifts anytime, and during those particular days, beyond sufficient. It’s because those moments professing vulnerable sentiments, untethered from the metaphors of an object, feel uncomfortable for some make them all the more impactful. The bravery to put yourself out there, to say something affectionate and true to another, dwarfs the efforts made by shoppers.
Birthday's, compared to holidays, are interesting events that dot our year. A calendar date that is seemingly insignificant to all but those it marks. It serves as a reminder of ourselves, and our lives. The anniversary of our birth, for many a mirror, a day of reflection. On who we are, what we have done, and the impact we've had on the lives of others around us. Sometimes birthdays can be a painful experience for people. To particular individuals acts of thoughtfulness can have an exceptional impact. Assurances from friends and family that they are loved, that their years alive have mattered, is a beautiful and wonderful thing. We should without a doubt make efforts to send the people in our lives well wishes on those days. That does not by any means require an obligatory monetary item. In many instances that's cowardice. A bandage to hide behind.
Expectation serves neither the receiver nor the givers during the holidays. To take so much time during these months, thinking, searching, and purchasing doesn't have the same impact of being there. It parallels how soup kitchens become overrun with volunteers on the holidays. At one point that was a kind gesture, but now it's more appreciated all year round. It's become a scarcity or abundance situation. No one is helping the majority of the year, everyone jumps in to help at the one time. Not to say that this isn't a beautiful gesture- to step away from your own family and obligations to help the less fortunate. But the kindness truly comes when it's not expected, when people aren't watching.
Speaking for myself, the greatest present is always the presence of someone i care about. Having each other around, sharing the special times of year, especially with those loved, is one of life's most unrivalled joys. We can take nothing material with us to the grave. Debatable, though unlikely, that even our memories will join us into the great unknown. Regardless, that's what i'm investing in. Memories to hold dearest, at least as long i traverse the rest of life. i cherish conversations, sharing food, sharing laughs. The moments we make together are the puzzle pieces that assemble the jigsaw of our lives.
The holidays can be burdensome and stressful enough as it is. Our natural tendencies to compare and contrast everything in our lives can be poisonous and adds to the difficulties of those days. It's hard not to measure someone's gift to you compared to the gifts from others, or your gift to them. Or worse, have your own gifts measured. It's a very bizarre and unhealthy watermark. To gauge how we feel or others may feel about us with purchases.
The decrease in flower giving is a tragedy. Flowers are such a special gift, primarily because of how temporary they are. They are the epitome of a gift. Encompass thoughtfulness, knowing of another's likes, bringing colour, and joy to a people's space. We bring flowers to the dead, (Días de los Muertos - Days of the Dead in Mexico, and funerals are prime examples), we honour the deceased with their favourite food and drink. Flowers, beverages, snacks, all tokens with an inevitable expiry, just like us, and our moments togethers. A reminder to enjoy what's here and now, and not cling to anything. The symbology of giving gifts at birth, death and the anniversaries of both are fascinating. In that frame, presents that represent that cycle, and celebrate it are apt. Everything is destined to dust, especially us.
Time is our greatest commodity. My favourite gift is an experience with those dearest. Something special between me and another. Perhaps it's going for dinner, to a film or concert, or simply grabbing a coffee together. Even if it's split Dutch. The effort and the time is so precious, which showcases a deeper philosophy of life. Particular special gifts for me are passes to concerts, or other live events. Always with the preference that the giver join me rather than give me tickets. For example, i'd rather we go to see Erykah Badu together, as opposed to receiving two tickets to an Erykah show to take whomever i choose. The special part is sharing the evening with someone important. Making a memory together.
My family has implemented one of my favourite traditions at Christmas. Inspired by the Icelandic tradition Jólabókaflóð (Christmas Book Flood), where families across the country exchange one gift on Christmas eve. The present is always a book, and everyone sits together with treats for a cozy read. It's such a beautiful sentiment. A small, but manageable, thoughtful exchange. It checks both boxes. A token of love, and that time together. My family has adopted the ritual, and added our own flourish, calling it a Bottle and a Book. It's everyone's job to find liquor, but generally a special beer that they like, as well as a book that they specifically want to read. We do a somewhat Secret Santa by placing the books and bottles together in front of us and choose one for ourselves at random. No one is allowed to receive the book they put in. Then we make a flight of beers or small cocktails, tasting everything, and read our new books together for an hour on Christmas Day. This is the only gift we exchange. Now the intention extends beyond the day. We all exchange the books throughout the year as they’re read, like a small book club. By the following Christmas each of us will have to read all the books- including the one we submitted. We each share an aspect of ourselves, and take time to appreciate the interests of each other. You must think of your family as a whole, what they like as well as reflect on yourself. What book would land the best, what do you want to share, and are excited to read. The practice adds to a tremendous amount of conversation and connection throughout the months as the books are passed around until they inevitably end up in our family's small but growing library. This is a tradition that keeps giving and costs us next to nothing-yet gives us everything.
The truth is our lives, as well as ourselves are unfathomable, indescribable gifts. Regardless of the means to get there, through purchases or not, we should take time to remember, and share with each other exactly that. People's presence always makes the best presents. That includes yours.
AUTHORS NOTE:
Your presence, here, at the bottom of the page doesn't escape me. Your attention and appreciation is a gift i cherish. Thank you again, i hope you have a fantastic day, season, wherever or whenever you read this. If a thought happens to return to this piece around your own Birthday, i hope you know somewhere out there Mr. Write is wishing you the happiest of days- on that date, and each day in between.
Wazoo!