Her pause was deafening. It echoed across the empty kitchen counters, off the walls and struck him as he cleared the remaining dishes from their abandoned kitchen table. Something was amiss, she'd been off for weeks. Able raised his eyebrows. With the kids out of the room tending to their homework and hobbies, he wondered if Magema would take the opportunity to open up to him.
"Able, i... need.. i don't know what i need. i've been sad. i don't know why. Which frustrates me as much as it embarrasses me. Of all people i the one that's suppose to not only know why i feel this way, but how to get out this funk. And i don't know either. i know the right things to help others find their way but right now i don't know how to begin to help myself. And i love my life. And i love our kids. And i love you, i believe in our happily ever after. i love our philosophy, and the actions we take together- but right now i just feel like i'm in a rut. In my rational mind, i knew these days would come again. i know they've happened to you before, they've happened to me, regardless, even though i think i understand what this is, and know its temporary, i just... i just feel so overwhelmed. By nothing specific, which makes it worse, everything feels so heavy, and i don't know, i'm rambling, i..."
After giving her words space Able encouraged his wife forward "... and so?" Magema could only respond with a blank look, lost in her own statement, unsure where she was trying to lead them to. "...i'm stuck with you?" he finished for her, his eyebrows raised again, looking for assurance thats what she was getting at.
It been awhile since either of them had used that phrase. A playful, inside joke that had started well over a decade ago, before they'd gotten married. It had begun as a endearing clap back when one would tell the other how much they loved them. The receiving party would respond with "good, because you're stuck with me!"
It didn't matter that the response became expected, the audacity of its phrasing always elicited a laugh. Beneath the surface of the tease, both found the statement's certainty reassuring. Over the years it had evolved as an avenue for one another to open up when they needed to make an ask from their partner. It could be for comforting insecurities, or a favour that was in someways self serving, perhaps unfair. A means for telling one another that they might need a little help without having to be explicit in their asking. "You know how you're stuck with me?" to which the other would retort, "oh god..." and the ask would follow the sarcasm,"well i need you to pick up my father from the airport on Thursday," and so on.
Magema bit her lower lip and nodded. "Ya, you're stuck with me." In the moment, she looked so small, so tiny. She reminded him of his daughters, when they were testing the waters, frightened, self-conscious, and looking for assurance.
Able sighed, "Well, i suppose, given that i'm stuck with you, that we had better make sure you're comfortable. Otherwise this could be really unfortunate thing for me, to be stuck with some miserable oaf." She laughed her tension away and rolled her eyes while she shook her head at him. "So perhaps you could help me, on an entirely different matter," his hand reached for hers as he looked into her settled eyes. "You see, someone i love more than i could ever put to words, is kinda going through a rough patch. To be honest, i don't even think she knows what she wants or needs, and i'm out to sea on this one. i do know i can do somethings that might bring some ease. Like maybe i could take more of the load with the kids, make sure she has time to enjoy herself. Has a little me-time. Time for friends, maybe a class or course. i'm not sure. Or maybe she needs to really shake it up. Maybe i need to take her on trip, or maybe, just maybe, and this might be a bit drastic, but she needs to scrap everything, and we need to move." Magema's eyes bugged. "Like shaking up an ant farm. At first kinda disastrous, but quickly something new is carved out."
"Able, that seems a little extreme."
"Nothing is crazy, and nothing is extreme. We've got a beautiful children who will lead beautiful lives. As long as we continue to commit to thinking clear, and thorough, we can take on any and everything. We could move to South America, do some sort of exchange work, try and run a farm in Europe- i don't know! It won't be easy, but far from impossible. It doesn't have to be forever we could do a year or even a simple house exchange for a few months. And, i'll sweeten the pot,"
Magema leaned forward, "Oh ya? How so?"
"You can choose," she blinked, her features fell and she looked like she was about to cry. "Because as much as i'm stuck with you, you're stuck with me, and i intend on us having the greatest life imaginable. We just need to make sure we're writing the story together. You, the kids, Rosie, i've got the characters that i want in my story, why don't you take the lead with the plot for a little while?"
Slow, she rose from the her seat and eased herself on her husband's lap. With her arms wrapped about his neck she looked deep into his eyes. "Lets start with maybe some pottery classes or dance nights or something. i think i just need to be in my own company from time to time." He nodded and she flattened his chronically dishevelled hair. "i do really love the idea of a home exchange or something out of the ordinary for the kids for a few months. Maybe we can explore that later and think of something for the summer, or next year. Get everything lined up. Do it right."
His lips rose to his crooked smile, and he whispered ok. Magema pinched his nose before kissing him. "Everything's going to be alright, you know. You are stuck with me too, and i'll never let you drown."
"No?"
"No." She nestled in and he held her until Rosie came in to do her rounds, interrupting their moment. With her tail wagging she circled the table and counters, making sure everyone was safe, and not eating anything they could potentially be sharing with her. Able whispered to Magema's forehead until she looked back up to him. "Hey, thank you for sharing with me. i appreciate you looking out for us like that. How about you and i go out for a little food run? Tell the kids we're going out for groceries and have a little treat to ourselves? The girls can look after Jeff."
She kissed his cheek, "maybe we could just lay down for a little while?"
Able went to raise from his chair, and rather then slide off him as she often would, Magema reenforced her grip around his neck, curled further into a ball, lifting her calves so he could get a grip under her. Forever her groom, forever his bride, Able cradled her within his arms and carried her across the threshold.
thanks for reading!
-Mr. Write